Published by JC….

Early in 2025, a study was published that took the mental health and wellness world by storm. Jointly authored by Aekyoung Kim from Jeonbuk National University in South Korea and Sam J. Maglio from the University of Toronto in Canada, both respected researchers, the central point of the study was this: trying to be happy tends to cause unhappiness.

I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in.

For those non-scholarly types out there who would like to have a look at the findings, there is a layperson-friendly abstract available to read in Science Daily, as well as a journalistic piece published by U of T News. For those willing to take the word of this humble author at face value, here’s a concise, bullet-point breakdown of the study’s broad strokes.

● Chasing happiness often leads to a failure in self-regulation

● This can cause lapses in self-control and a breakdown of willpower, as well as increased susceptibility to temptation

● It can also lead to an increased propensity to make self-destructive choices

If anyone out there has ever wondered what the perfect example of a paradox is, this phenomenon might be a contender. In fact, it’s such a mind-twisting concept that when I was writing the outline for this article, I thought it might be a good idea to call in something of an authority on the subject to try to shed some additional light on it.

Michael Amin is a Los Angeles-area businessman who is the president of Primex World Inc., but in a role more closely connected to this topic, he is also the founder of Maximum Difference Foundation (MDF), a charitable organization that has spent a great deal of time and resources looking into the idea of happiness, specifically as it corresponds to success in areas of life such as family, work, and education with a main focus on children. Luckily, when I picked up the phone and asked Michael to provide learned commentary for this article, he agreed.

“Happiness is a genuinely tricky thing,” says Amin. “To say it’s elusive to those who intentionally pursue it is something of an understatement.”

He goes on to note that what the Kim–Maglio study captures so well is something many ordinary people intuitively sense but struggle to articulate. When happiness becomes a goal to optimize, track, or constantly improve, it begins to function less like a feeling and more like a task. Under the best circumstances, tasks consume energy. Under less than ideal circumstances, they can become tedious over time.

“What some people miss, especially those personality types that are driven to succeed no matter the cost, is that happiness-seeking itself takes a lot of effort,” Amin explains. “The moment you start asking yourself, ‘Am I happy enough right now?’ you’re already spending precious mental resources. If you keep that sort of constant self-monitoring up for any length of time, it’s bound to wear you down.”

This idea aligns with the research’s findings, which suggest that happiness-seeking competes directly with self-control for a person’s finite supply of mental energy. In other words, the harder people try to feel happier, the less capacity they may have left to make disciplined, constructive choices that actually support their well-being and foment good mental health.

Michael Amin sees this dynamic play out frequently in his work with the Maximum Difference Foundation, particularly in its parenting-focused initiatives. Through advertising and publications, MDF seeks to motivate parents to learn the art and science of good parenting by reading related books, watching videos, going to seminars, and, if needed, seeking support from a therapist.

It should also be noted that MDF also partners with several other nonprofits, such as Human Rights Watch, the ACLU, the Omid Foundation, Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles, American Near East Refugee Aid, H20MA, and Doctors Without Borders, as well as many others, in order to make a lasting, positive impact on the world. Additionally, the foundation is noteworthy for its application of return-on-investment principles often employed in the private sector to the charitable sphere, which is the guiding philosophy from which Michael Amin was inspired to coin MDF’s unique name.

Continuing his informed reflections on happiness, Amin expounds, “In family life especially, chasing happiness so much that it consumes you can backfire. Parents who are constantly trying to manufacture happy moments for their kids often end up exhausted, frustrated, and less patient.”

He explains further, “By the same token, parents who try too hard to make sure their children are happy, especially through strategies that try to ensure their future happiness, like achievement tracking or applying pressure to excel in academics, often wind up instilling anxiety, fear of failure, and a chronic component of stress in their lives. Ironically, that stress creates the very environment that serves to undermine long-term happiness in their children.”

On the other hand, when you live in the moment and are grateful for the time spent together with family and your children, happiness just happens because you don’t miss out on the special moments or the opportunities that instill that happy feeling.

Instead of framing happiness as something to be deliberately maximized, Michael Amin advocates for a quieter, more grounded approach. One that prioritizes stability, meaning, incremental progress and meaningful connections over repeatedly attaining peak emotional highs or constantly exceeding expectations.

“At MDF, we’ve found that when people stop treating happiness like a scoreboard and start focusing on values, routines, meaningful connections and responsibility, happiness tends to show up on its own. Not all at once, and not dramatically, but in a way that actually lasts.”

This perspective syncs up closely with the Kim–Maglio study’s conclusion that gratitude and acceptance may be more sustainable paths to overall contentment and well-being than the relentless, deliberate pursuit of a positive emotional state. Viewing happiness as a sort of commodity to be accumulated, much like money or possessions, can turn it into a source of never-ending pressure rather than comfort or peace of mind.

Michael Amin puts it more plainly. “Happiness isn’t something you squeeze out of life by force,” he says. “It’s more like an incidental byproduct of doing meaningful things reasonably well. When people focus on being useful, present, and consistent, happiness tends to follow. When they chase it directly, it often runs the other way.”

In that sense, the paradox uncovered by researchers Aekyoung Kim and Sam Maglio may be less surprising than it first appears. To paraphrase an old adage, the harder people grasp for happiness, the more it’s likely to slip through their fingers. And perhaps the most counterintuitive lesson of all is that letting go, even just a little, may be the most effective strategy there is for finding that elusive prize known as happiness.