By Cassandra Johanssen
Everyone has problems and issues in life, a lot of this we learn from and correct for later life, let’s face it, nothing is ever totally broken, though stressful, everything can be fixed. This is also true for relationships, in my own personal opinion I think a relationship with arguments and disagreements is a healthy one. No two people in the world will agree on every single thing, there will always be differences of opinions and choices.
Though many of these issues can be worked through alone, quite often there can be a buildup of tension over a long period of time, this tension creates many problems all at once so it can be tough to talk them through together and you will both end up disagreeing about everything.
Take the plunge
If you have both reached that point where there is a lot more arguing going on and you cannot seem to sort through anything, you might want to look into marriage counseling. This is nothing to be ashamed of at all, in 2010 there was a study undertaken with 134 chronically and seriously distressed couples, after 26 weekly therapy sessions 48% showed significant improvement, 27% separated and divorced and the remainder was unchanged.
Sometimes we cannot always work through our problems alone or as a couple, at times we need a neutral person in the room to liaison between each other, someone to help talk through the problems and underlying issues.
Here is the perfect success story of a couple who fell in love again.
Forget divorce and try salvage
Marriage is actually on the decline and many couples who were once in love and no longer see eye to eye will instantly bring up divorce as the accepted process to “fix” things. We as a human race are suborn and are built to take the easiest route with things, sometimes it is better to take the long road, especially if you have already settled and have a family to think about and not just yourselves. Here I have listed a few reasons as to why you will need one:
● Communication breakdown – Once communication has deteriorated, it is hard to get that back on the right track leaving only negative communication which leaves both parties depressed, insecure, anxious and more. Sometimes it is not what you say, it is how it is said. This is also where tit for tat goes on back and forth.
● An affair has taken place – This is one of the main reasons people use marriage therapy, so long as you are both truthful and committed to the therapy, it should work out, though there is no magical, fast track to take.
● Are you my roommate? – When it feels like you are just “living with someone” rather than feeling like being a couple, then counseling might be just the ticket. This does not mean spending every living second together in the house, what it means is the intimacy and communication has completely disappeared.
● For the children – Many couples actually stay together for the children, when involving a third party to sort things out and talk through the issues may make everything better for all involved. Children should never be the deciding factor here.
Children can pick up on this, I remember reading an article online from a therapist. A teenagers grades were declining in school and when the therapist in the school asked why the child said “I know my parents hate each other, they are staying together for my benefit” The therapist asked “How would you know that?” and she replied “Well they talk nicely to each other, but they don’t laugh like my friends parents”.
Children can pick up on a lot more than you think!
To help save my own marriage I went to a counselor in Broomfield, Colorado and it was not as bad as I first thought. Involving the third party really calmed things down and we were actually able to talk throughout problems and issues. We are still working on it but each day and therapy session is one step closer to a happy future.
– Cassandra Johanssen is a marketing consultant living in Boulder, Colorado. Her hobbies include dream analysis and making dream weavers. Cassandra is also currently training for her 3rd marathon.